Sunday, January 17, 2010

Jany. 17th

After lunch I came to my room + had a smoke and tried to do a little painting but did not feel particularly in the humour for it + at 3 o’clock Welch came in + Crozier + we three started out for a walk, the thermometer was -5ยบ when we started + -15 when we came back at the end of an hour. We walked + ran alternately. My moustache + hirsute appendage were one mass of frost + ice. I was quite warm + fortunately did not freeze anything. Last time I was out, that is yesterday I froze the tip of my nose, but only very slightly. When I came in, I filled my pipe, put on your smoking cap, and fell into thinking of you and the dear old times. My darling don’t for an instant think that I grudge to you one particle of the pleasant company in which you may at times be thrown. When I read your accounts of balls and parties, how you danced with this + that one, I only think, ‘How glad I am that Lizzie is enjoying herself’. If, in any of my past letters, I have ever given you cause to think that I am jealous, or if in any of my future ones I should do so, reject the seeming hurt + lay it down to regret on my part that I cannot be present to see you enjoying yourself, to see others appreciating my Lizzie. Jealousy implies distrust + I trust you so wholly and entirely that no shadow of distrust of you ever crosses my mind. In one of your letters you spoke of my hinting to you that I was a little jealous -but darling- but darling it was only an intense yearning to be near you myself not to keep others away. I do not know when we will get another mail in. stories were rife yesterday that one was down in Whoop Up, but they proved to be without foundation. Conrad has a train due here for a week past and there will probably be letters on that for us.