Sunday, January 31, 2010

Jany. 31st

Sunday. The Sun this morning rose very bright + clear, but towards noon, a cold wind started from the North and in the afternoon it snowed. Everything looks blue, and I feel blue therefore prepare to have some of my surplus spleen, vented on your unoffending head. Are you ready? Perhaps if I first give my reasons for being blue, you will know better how to laugh or cheer me out of them. In the first place I am blue because I am without you; next because being here I also am not able to hear from you; again, because you did not receive my last letters + will be so anxious to hear from me, + perhaps will get the blues yourself, which gives me a fourth reason viz because I cannot be at hand to comfort you. Poor old girl. Don’t get disheartened, if you do not hear from me nor of me, so often as you could wish, try and think of me as writing to you at that moment. Think that I am well and hearty and strong with a wolfish appetite, + with the means to satisfy it too. Lift up your head and think that by laughing and trying to be happy you are making me so. And Our Father whose unremitting care watches over us, or will gather us tenderly to his bosom. Darling did you ever think of the time when one of us must leave the other, no more to come back? Child I charge you Pray for me as ever, to be kept in the right way, to be made to look at events + trials in their proper light, that I may be kept from useless and causeless repinnings. Lizzie would you mind giving me one of the prayers which you daily use. I would so like to have the same form of words as you have, so that I might feel myself nearer to you, + be more in unison with you. Perhaps you would rather not or cannot single out the one you like best. If you have the slightest hesitancy in agreeing with my proposal please don’t feel obliged to say yes. Will you not dear? There is one prayer I always use, night + morning. It is the Collect for Whitsunday. In the Church Prayer book. I have used it for a long time.

This is the end of the first month of the New Year. How quickly it has gone. Do you remember that song “And the years glide by”? There is an ode in Horace with the self same words – “Labuntur Anni” “And the years glide by” Three years will soon slip away, + then the Homeward Journey – will the long stretches of level prairie seem so endless then? Will the days journey be so stirring then? And when I reach the railway, will not my heart fleetly outrun the huge iron horses. Ah, trust me it there cannot go too fast for me. There is something going on tonight Capt. Winder and a party of armed men have just started off, for somewhere to try and do something – more anon. It is snowing now + is past nine o’clock.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Jany. 30th

The Mail has come back and the letters that by this time should have been in Benton + on their way East, were redistributed to us, a sore disappointment is was, + must be for you, for it is now some time since you got a letter from me. we have had quite a long spell of very moderate weather, today the wind is blowing a gale, but from the South West and it is not cold.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Jany. 29th

The usual rounds today. Capt. Jackson immediately began rebuilding his fallen roof. Nothing more is going on. Our hopes of a Mail are very very dim, even our mail that was to have gone out so quickly, has not yet started. I have been busy for a day or two in making out a report of the Medical Department entrusted to my care since last September, and it is quite a piece of work however since it gives me something to do I don’t mind it much.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Jany. 28th

No return of the toothache. The Mail man has not yet gotten all his mules together. I have been busy nearly all day, making out a report of the Medical Department entrusted to my care, since last October it is an awful job. I expect to be busy at it for some weeks. However it will cause the time to pass more quickly.

This afternoon while sitting in my room I heard a sound as of some heavy body falling and some of the mud from the roof came tumbling down. I saw men running towards our quarters and I too went out to see what was the matter, + found the roof of Capt. Winder’s room had caved in, the large center beam supporting the roof had broken and so the roof fell in. Jackson was in the room at the time but fortunately almost miraculously escaped unhurt. He is staying in our room now, + Winder in the Mess Room. His was the only room that had not posts to prop up the center beam, + hence its downfall. Ours had props so there is no danger of it coming down. How thankful I was that I had left their house.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Jany. 27th

My tooth has not ached to day, my throat is yet a little sore, but that is nothing. The man with the mail started out yesterday and came back this morning to look for his mules that had strayed off during the night.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Jany. 26

Conrad dined with us tonight and after dinner we had some, or in fact almost all the musical men in the force, in the Mess Room, + sang and danced, + handed round coffee + crackers. It was quite a ball, I had not enjoyed myself much all day, nor in truth since last Friday. On Friday afternoon to vary the monotony of this dreary place, I tried the pleasant experience of a jolly good toothache. The same tooth that troubled me and which I had filled about a year ago. I bore it for some time with fortitude, because it gave me something vivid to think about, but it too began to get very monotonous + on Sunday I was very tired of it. On Monday I tried to do something for it + saturating a small bit of cotton wool in Carbolic acid, let it fall down my throat and nearly choked myself, as well as added a severe sore throat to my other pleasures. Finally disgusted with everything I took the instrument which we have, which combines the principle of the lumberman’s lever with the appearance of that thing that pianos are tuned with, and for an hour I did my very best to pull that tooth out, but I could not. However it moved slightly, and although my face was very sore and my throat nearly boiled, I found that the tooth had ceased aching. So I went and enjoyed myself.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Fort Macleod Jany. 25th 1875

Dearest Liz,

It is snowing to day, + blowing considerably – there is nothing like this country for wind + changeable weather. The mail has not yet left here, the bag is closed and I do not care to trust my letter alone to the care of the man taking it out. Today at 11 o’clock I held an inspection of the men, they are a very fine set of men physically speaking.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Jany. 23rd

The mail does not go out until tomorrow, so I have another day of grace. I gave Ferland my Hospital Sargt. Leave for two or three days, to go down to Fort Kipp to visit some of his friends. Consequently I have to do his work and my own. I am writing now in the Hospital. It is nearly 12 o’clock. The morning has passed rapidly and uneventfully. Brooks is this morning worse than he has been since he came up from Kanouse’s. His heart is fearfully weak. Poor fellow. It does seem so lonely and so hard for him, suffering as he does and bearing it so patiently. He lies quietly in bed as a sleeping child. His two words with which he answers nearly all questions of his welfare are ‘middling’ + ‘not so well’. I wish that I could hold out some hope of his ultimate recovery, but I am afraid that I cannot. I was here called away by the entrance of the orderly office Capt. Jackson, + the Regimental orderly Sergeant, going their rounds. I had ‘no complaints’ + he expressed himself satisfied with the appearance of things. I heard to day that the Indians very nearly had a fight amongst themselves, up the River. But it turned out to be all blow. The Indians however threw off their blankets + put the squaws away + begun cocking their pistols, etc when the Trader in whose Fort this scene was taking place jumped over his counter with his 7[?] shooter already cocked + with some threats + persuasive language cooled down their belligerent feelings and they began to smoke the pipe of peace.

To day has been like a spring day, a heavy mist has come over the prairies + the cold has turned the mist into minute crystals, which drive past you glistening glittering in the sunlight like as many diamonds. The thermometer was -20º but it did not feel cold in the least. The sun is now shining very bright + the melting snow is dripping quicker from the roofs of our buildings, + disappearing from the ground. The Indians too taking advantage of the warm sunlight, come out like flies to warm + stretch themselves. I have seen a good many of them around today. To give you an idea of their laziness, one was sitting on the Hospital yesterday when I came in I found him + stood about 4 feet from him, he put out his hand for me to shake + would not get up to reach me. I held out mine and motioned him to come – he would not – so as I was not particularly anxious to shake, I turned away. If they are sitting in arms length of a fire, they will give you a match or a piece of paper + motion you to light it + hold it to their pipes, when they could perhaps do it more easily than you.

The Orderly room bugle from prisoners has first sounded and I am afraid I will have to go there as there is a case coming on of a man feigning sickness and I will have to be present. I hope soon to have more letters from you.

The men who are going to take this mail in are going to come right out again + bring what little they can. So it will not be more than a month till I again hear from you. These months January and February are the two bad ones, we had always heard about, in which little or no communication was kept up with the outer + civilized world. Summer or Spring will soon be here, and with it bring many discomforts + many luxuries, most of all an uninterrupted communication with you. I expect that a mail will be established weekly or fortnightly from here during the Summer.

Now my darling, don’t you be anxious on my account. I begin to think that perhaps my telling you, in my last letter of that dark cold side, may make you more anxious + trouble you more than there is any necessity for. The backbone of the Winter is now fully well broken, of course we will have storms + some cold weather, + there is also no use in shutting our eyes to dangers that do + will menace us. But the very knowledge of such danger is our greatest safeguard for we are careful.

The most we have to fear from the Indians is the loss of our horses. In the spring when the Indians begin to move, they take every opportunity to steal a horse + then pack off to the mountains, + are no more seen. Our presence here has had a most salutary effect upon them, they used to lay their hands upon anything that was left carelessly around, now they pass them by, or return them to their owners. And now I must say good night for the present, I anxiously look forward to another Mail from Benton. Remember me most kindly to the Cameron’s + give my love to all at home. How does Sallie like water colours? She used to distain them having a preference for Crayons. I want you if you can to send me one or two good French Novels. I am keeping up my French + can understand almost any conversation, + also to a very small extent speak the language.

And so Good night.

I am your Barrie.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Jany. 22nd

This morning the usual round which I now endeavour to spin out until 12 o’clock. I did not take any lunch to day, and do not approve of the plan, it appears to make the day almost endless. They are long enough as it is. This evening after dinner, we had our second Mess Meeting + I requested to continue to act as Secretary. I hurried in after the meeting to have a talk with you. For I feel so very lonely tonight that I scarce know what to do. How strange that one cannot remain satisfied. When I heard of this appointment I thought, here is a big chance. I can save all my money for 3 years + then come home + take my Lizzie at once + start a private practice. 3 years, I thought is not long and will soon pass, I will be lonely at times, but will get over it. And so I will. I know that you too are lonely at times, and my telling you that I also am, will not tend give you much comfort. But you know I am telling you everything that comes in to my head, + if at times I seem to complain, believe me, my darling, it is not to make you feel uneasy, or wretched but only is a sort of safety valve. How often I think of you, think of you in every conceivable act + place. Try and imagine your thoughts at all hours of the day, twice a day at all events, we both speak not to, but of, each other to a Third Person. Does He not know our thoughts and answer our prayers? Does he not Guide us and guard us in all danger + distress? And in his own good time will He not bring us together again? And that meeting solong hoped for, prayed for, will it not at the last make up for all this weary waiting? Then why should I complain or think of complaining.

I am wondering where our next meeting will be. I picture myself in Toronto, your house on Jarvis Street, the long outside veranda, the little ante room, the inside hall and then yourself. Will it be a surprise? No, I think not. Do you recollect surprising me once, on your return from St. Kitts. I was at the hat rack, I noticed a strange look upon your mother’s face + father’s countenance betrayed some secret + then you rushed down the winding stairs. Will it be in the summer or winter? I don’t know, I rather think in the Early Fall. How many things you will have to show me + what number less questions will you have to answer + to ask. Oh dear, I wish I had a cap like some of the old fairy stories something to put on my head and wish to be in a place, + the carpet would rise + bear me swiftly there. Would it not be nice? Just think, I need only be here about 4 hours of the 24! The rest I could pass with you!

“If wishes were horses then Beggars might ride” The days for all their seeming length swiftly merge themselves into weeks + the weeks into months. Who would ever think that I have been here for more than three months.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Jany 21st

I hear that a mail is to go out the day after tomorrow. So this will go along. Nothing unusual going on. The Col. came back from Whoop Up whither he had been on an exploring tour, to find out its exact location. He is making a map of this part of the Country. I am going to try and get the drawing of it, + will then send you a copy.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Jany. 20th

Possibly this letter may go from here along with the other one which I have sent, + which came back, + has not got started off again. It seems a long while since I heard from you, but I suppose it is not so long as it appears, we have had a long spell of cold weather, but now it seems to show signs of breaking up, but I suppose it will not be many weeks before we have spring weather.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Jany. 19th

This morning I had breakfast before going to the Hospital, there were only the usual number of sick men. Then I had breakfast and after that I went to the Orderly Room + got the Col to show me how to take an observation of the Sun, to make out our latitude and alas to correct the Time, + worked out the problem from the observations. Nothing more was done during the day until after lunch when I took my paints and tried to finish off one or two pictures. I also hung or rather pinned to the walls of my Room several of my sketched, which, altho’ not of the best style in the world, are better than blank white cotton staring at me in the face all the time.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Jany. 18th

This morning is beautiful.+ bright and clear + cold the thermometer at 9 o’clock when I went over to the Hospital was 30º below zero. There were only a few sick men, Brooks continues pretty low and tho weak still holds his own. After the hospital I had breakfast + then came to my room + smoked my pipe + am writing to you. So you see that you are associated with my pipe almost my only comfort up here. Not my only comfort now, for I have your dear letters to read + read again + again. Lizzie you have no idea how immensely your letters soothe + comfort me. If mine are only a twentieth part as much as welcome and useful to you then I am satisfied. So you recollect my once telling you that a lady once asked me to correspond with her daughter, and how I consented + never filled my promise thinking what a bore it was? The idea of writing to a girl! But now I am writing not to a girl but a woman, + to a part of myself. I do not take that great care to put down just what I mean in the choicest words, + take pains with the writing + attend to all the little minor points that go to make a letter amusing or entertaining, but I put down in succession those thoughts or events which happen to be uppermost in my thoughts at the moment. I seem to be talking to myself, only more so.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Jany. 17th

After lunch I came to my room + had a smoke and tried to do a little painting but did not feel particularly in the humour for it + at 3 o’clock Welch came in + Crozier + we three started out for a walk, the thermometer was -5º when we started + -15 when we came back at the end of an hour. We walked + ran alternately. My moustache + hirsute appendage were one mass of frost + ice. I was quite warm + fortunately did not freeze anything. Last time I was out, that is yesterday I froze the tip of my nose, but only very slightly. When I came in, I filled my pipe, put on your smoking cap, and fell into thinking of you and the dear old times. My darling don’t for an instant think that I grudge to you one particle of the pleasant company in which you may at times be thrown. When I read your accounts of balls and parties, how you danced with this + that one, I only think, ‘How glad I am that Lizzie is enjoying herself’. If, in any of my past letters, I have ever given you cause to think that I am jealous, or if in any of my future ones I should do so, reject the seeming hurt + lay it down to regret on my part that I cannot be present to see you enjoying yourself, to see others appreciating my Lizzie. Jealousy implies distrust + I trust you so wholly and entirely that no shadow of distrust of you ever crosses my mind. In one of your letters you spoke of my hinting to you that I was a little jealous -but darling- but darling it was only an intense yearning to be near you myself not to keep others away. I do not know when we will get another mail in. stories were rife yesterday that one was down in Whoop Up, but they proved to be without foundation. Conrad has a train due here for a week past and there will probably be letters on that for us.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Jany. 16th.

The weather still continues to be very cold. The wind is now very changeable, so we live in daily hopes of a thaw. This morning began with the usual thing at the Hospital, only I have breakfast now before going to the Hospital. After lunch, Welch and I went up the river with our guns in order to get some venison + for the pleasure of having a good walk – we had the walk, but got no venison – we saw nothing but a couple of hares, + they after being pretty well astonished escaped unharmed. There was a report current that a mail had arrived in Fort Whoop Up. Our hopes were high, but doomed to disappointment. Only one letter came for Col. McLeod. After dinner I had one or two games of cribbage and then the men came in to practice the Sunday Service. We sang the ‘Venite’, ‘O Be Joyful’, ‘Te Deum’ + two or three hymns – ‘Nearer my God to thee’, ‘Thy will be done’ + ‘Our blest Redeemer ‘ere he died’. The singing was not so good as it will be when the men become more accustomed to the singing and to each others voices.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Jany. 15th

My last letter to you has come back to me. The man who was to have taken it has not yet started + so orders were given to have the mail returned. I do not know now when it will go out. To day has been cold but so bright and beautiful that one could scarce feel the cold + another thing, which is good news, the coal has come. So now we need no longer shiver over sputtering fires. An expedition started out to day after some whiskey traders. I do not know yet what success they have had. A larger Indian Camp moved down today into our neighbourhood. There have been quite a number of squaws and young bucks around the square one or two of the Chiefs were also down looking at the Fort. I feel as tho’ I were going to have a fit of the blues. I am trying to work them off by inflicting upon you a lot of writing which I feel to be most disconnected, but I cannot look it over. I don’t feel unwell nor exactly miserable, but I do so long to see you, so yearn for the sound of your voice, I am almost homesick. It is so utterly lonely out here, not a single person that I care two straws about, nor I suppose do they care about me. However ‘It is a long lane that has no turning’ and one of these days I will come back to you, and you will be glad to see me, and we will then spend many happy moments, days, years together, will not we?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Jany. 14th

A South West wind or Chenook [sic: Chinook] began to blow + it is now much warmer, the mercury at 11 this morning was 2º above zero. Last evening we had a number of the musical men of the force in our Mess Room + they practiced some hymns + chants, for our Sunday Service. After going over several hymns, they sang some profane songs, some of which were very good indeed. Then after they had gone, we enlisted one of the violinists + had a dance, which kept us for a time well amused then I went to bed about 11.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Jany. 13th

Still very cold, too cold to write, fire seems to have no effect unless you are close up to the blaze.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Jany. 12th

You bet it was cold last night. Mercury went down + into the bulb and stayed there, so it must have been below -40. It was bitterly cold. I could not sleep warm + as to keeping the Room warm it was quite impossible. So nearly all day, I was in the Mess Room.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Fort Macleod N.W.T. Jany. 11th/75

Darling Lizzie,

It was much milder this morning, until about 10 o’clock when it turned much colder, nothing much was doing all day, we discussed the state of the weather the roads the Mail etc and after dinner, we had a dance. It was so very much colder in the night that we all fancied we were in at last for a real spell of true winter weather.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Jany. 8th.

Last night the thermometer at -36º! Since the first of this month the thermometer has been below zero all the time, with the exception of one day when I was 11º above. The wind has changed to day + is blowing from the West. I hope it will continue so for a time, for then we are likely to have fine moderate weather. This morning, I did not get up until 9.30, no one wakened me and I slept on quite unconscious that the Sick bugle had sounded – Ferland however came over to see me + wakened me. I could not think what made me sleep so soundly, until just a few moments ago, I laid it down to a walk I took yesterday, with Welch + my gun – we went about 8 miles after deer – but were unfortunate, both of us fell into the river. I got my beautiful proboscis frozen + we saw no deer. My nose is not going to drop off, don’t be afraid of that, it was only slightly touched with frost on the left side near the point. I dare say it will peel. At present it looks fat + is as shiny as the traditional Ethiopian’s Hell, + red as a grog [?] blossom. It is an edifying spectacle, I assure you. It feels as tho’ somebody has been unsuccessfully trying to wrench it off. Mother always had a horror of my nose freezing + falling off, she always used to caution me about my nose.

Col. McLeod told us to night that a mail would probably leave for Benton the day after tomorrow. “Probably” means if it is not too cold. When will you get this? It seems an age since I began to write it + yet I can hardly believe that it is only 11 days ago. How impatiently I am waiting for another letter from you. The last I received was from St. Catherine’s – you told me the next would be from Toronto. I do so want to hear again from you. What a horrid man Mr. Beaty must be – to go and turn you away from your little curch hall. I hope that you will like the room under the Temperance Hall. It will be a little longer walk for you on Sundays. You must tell me all about how the thing ended and what Mr. Beaty intends doing. Will any one remain at the old building? What about that little building on Pembroke Street, did you not tell me that that was one of your churches? Does it belong to your uncle too? Do you remember the evening we passed it? Going up to the gardens? I found the programme of that evening in the inside of that black hard hat I used to wear, I had thrown the hat away, an Indian got it + was wearing it, but before the Indian got it I found this programme, this was way down at the Old Wives Creek. How many happy recollections that brought back. Brookhouse Bowler, “Let me like a soldier fall”, Don Cesar de Bezan, Maritana[?].

The walk home, the pleasant evening after. Ah, when shall we ever again have such a fun joyous happy peaceful time. Do you recollect asking me which proverb I thought would come true – “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” or the other one, which I will not even write? Well, do you find any trouble – in your case, in telling which one is likely to be true? I do not, I never had any – I never will have any trouble about such a question.

The wind is whistling outside in the most dismal manner, but it is from the right quarter. The wind too finds many a crack + hole in our mud plastered walls, + away from the stove makes it pretty cold. I am going, as soon as the weather permits, to get a window put in my bedroom, and then I intend having the ceiling covered with a heavy awning cloth, + line the walls with factory cotton. This will keep some of the wind out and make the place to much brighter than it does at present. I have not yet taken a sketch of the interior of the fort for you, but must get one to send off by this mail. I must leave you for tonight as I want to finish a letter to Mannie, or rather add something to an already finished letter, so good night.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Jany. 7th.

Excessively cold this morning and stormy so that I did not fo to Fort Kipp, as I intended. I stopped about the Fort doing nothing + found it very monotonous. In the evening, we had another dance, I still stand first favourite as “La Belle Danseuse”. Perhaps I should not tell you, because I might be misconstrued, + you would imagine that I am conceited. But you are the one who taught me to dance, or rather you were the means of my learning to dance. For when I first knew you I could not dance. I wanted to dance with you, I studied the various steps of those considered good dancers, more especially yours, so that when I should dance with you I would not be the gawky fraud I was at first. So Old woman if they like my dancing they like yours.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Jany. 6th.

This morning was cold, but bright and sunny. I went the usual Hospital rounds, after breakfast, which I took about 10 o’clock, I pasted all the Chess problems and columns in a book made of an old newspaper. This occupied me until lunch time. After lunch I had half promised Allen to go with him down to Kanouse’s for a walk, but feeling lazy I backed out + began areading “Nancy”. This kept me employed until about 4 o’clock, when a man named Thomas came in from Fort Kipp, saying that there was a person sick down there who would like very much to see me. I could not very well go just at once, as I had no horse + could not be back to attend my duties in the morning. So I said that I could go in the morning. Just as Thomas came in, Mr. Denny with a small party went out to arrest an Indian who had stolen a wife from another Indian + threatened to shoot the latter. When Denny arrived in the Indian Camp, the accused had flown, but the woman went joyfully back to her first husband. After dinner to night, a fire broke out in the “C” Troop Barracks, the Assembly sounded + all the men promptly answered to the call. The fire proved to be nothing more serious than a chimney + was quickly extinguished.

One of the men Wilson by name, hurt his wrist this evening, + after I examined it, began talking with him. He is from St. Catherine’s, knows of Mr.Taylor + knows of Miss Taylor’s engagement to Robertson. He also went to Upper Canadian College at the same time as Jack, Mannie, Willie Wedd and others that I know. He was acquainted with Morson of Niagra, + used to visit Morson at Trinity College. It sounded very curious to hear my friends spoken of, way out here in the NorthWest where I thought no one knew any one of my friends.

And no I must say good night it is half past eleven + I want to get up early, in order to get through with my business here and start off to Fort Kipp. Good night.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Jany. 5th.

To day has been very clear + very cold. The usual daily round of the Hospital. In the evening after dinner we had a big dance in the Mess Room. One of our Mess men plays on the Concertina + sleeps in the kitchen – we wakened him up and made him play for us. We began with a “Walk Round” then had a set of Quadrilles, + then varied the proceedings with waltzes and gallops - + schottisches [?] We had very good fun. If it may be allowed, without being called conceited, I will say that I was the Belle of the Ball. I was the only one who could dance “Lady” with anything like decency, and consequently my hand was sought after. As soon as we stopped a second claimed my hand. Of course I felt highly flattered. I too was the only one who could dance the Boston – (by the by, I am glad to hear that you have learnt it) I waltzed around, by my lone, to the great edification of the onlookers, in the graceful images of that seraphic step, now sailing grandly forwards, then careering joyfully backwards. They no sooner said, “Now I have it”, then by reversing I again threw them into a stack of bewilderment bordering on lunacy. That would have been fine if only I could have a waltz with you again. It is late and I must say Good night + Pleasant dreams.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Jany. 4th

Last night it was very cold, the thermometer showing 30º below zero, I think it must have been lower than that. I did nothing to day but the usual rounds and began a letter to Mannie which I expect to send along to Benton at the same time that this one goes out.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Jany. 3rd Sunday.

I have had no time to write you before. On New Years Day, we were very busy with the races + trials of strength + feats of agility. I ran in the smoking race + did not win it + also started in the mile race, but found it too cold on my face + so at the end of the quarter I stopped. The day passed off very well indeed and although it was very cold, still the excitement kept us moving about pretty lively. Denny had started down to Fort Kipp the evening before, to get our letters and bring them up as soon as possible. He did not make his appearance tho’ until dark this evening (Jany. 1st) + when he came he brought sad tidings – Wilson + Baxter two men stationed at Fort Kipp had come up to camp on leave + had started for Kipp again in the afternoon about 2 o’clock, had not yet arrived or at least Wilson had been found on the prairie, half frozen + Baxter not found at all. Their horses had however both come in. while I was preparing to go down, to see if I could do anything for him an Indian came in with a letter stating that Wilson was dead. However the Col. told me to go on + perhaps Baxter might be found + possibly I might be able to help him. So I got this Indian to go down with me, and wrapping up well I got on the Col.’s horse and started it was now quite dark + blowing fairly cold, cloudy so that we could see no stars + cold whew! it was cold. I was told not to spare horseflesh and we continued down 17 miles without drawing rein. We spoke not a word, but 3 times, once when his horse got on some glass ice, + slipped. I told him to take care, he laughed, and we proceeded on our way, again he made some sign to me by which I understood the river was off to the left, and a third time, he pointed to the north + made some signs + then whipped up his horse to full speed, I did the same, + we flew along, within a minute such a storm of wind and snow broke upon us, everything became dark and the cold was intensified to a terrible degree, I was afraid I would lose my guide and spurred up, + altho’ I could hear him I could not see anything, my foot touched his and still I could not see him – finally, we both got so cold that almost intuitively we both got down and began to run – about 8.30 we saw sparks from the chimney of the fort + in a minute or two we were within the enclosure. How thankful I was to again be in safety I cannot tell you. Imagine it yourself, I was determined to go there even if I had to go alone, as atfirst I thought I was to, I had your little book along, and it seemed to me as tho’ I could feel it warming my heart, it appeared to fill me with a blessed assurance of safety, such as I had never before felt. Except that time on the prairie alone. I was sorry to hear that Baxter had not been found, we set the Indians after, promising rewards should they find him alive or dead. I sat up and read your letter beginning Nov. 23rd, also one from Taida [?] from Uplands + one from Mannie from Savannah. I had brought them down with me having gotten there just as I was starting. In the morning, an Indian came in to say he had found Baxter, dead, about six miles from the Fort and a mile off the road we found the body of the unfortunate man. He was put in the sleigh and about 3 o’clock we arrived in Fort McLeod [sic]. It was found out that these two men had, after leaving our Camp, gone to one of the traders Forts near us and had remained there until dark and then started off in the storm got lost and died. It cast a gloom over our New Year’s festivities. The men were buried today at 4 in the afternoon, it was very cold 18º below zero, + a cold north wind. I hope that I will never again have such a ride. There was something terribly exciting about the ride, the cold wind whistling around us, the bounding of the willing animal beneath me, the strange dreary silence, the dense obscurity, and the sad news + the idea the perhaps I might have a melancholy duty at the end of our ride + in fact the uncertainty – that I would even reach the end alive – all contributed to make the journey exciting and one to be remembered. I fancy this terrible example will render the men more careful about going out at night on these wild prairies alone we did feel some deep anxiety on account of Denny, but for these two fellows we never felt a moment’s uneasiness, leaving us as they did so early in the afternoon. I expect that I will never be called on again to have such a ride. So old woman don’t be anxious about me, I am alright, and even had I started alone I feel assured that I would have reached Fort Kipp in safety. There is talk of sending in a mail from here in a few days. I do not know of any other opportunity just yet. This was not such a large mail as I expected it would have been, but all things in this Country are magnified to an extraordinary amount.