Fort MacLeod Dec. 29th 1874

My dearest Lizzie

I am now writing in the Mess Room. Denny is lying down upon one of the benches trying to take a snooze – he is on duty to day as Orderly Officer & his duties do not end until after 12 tonight when he has to visit the guard – so he is lying down and I am to wake him when I go out or when it is 12 o’clock. I am not in the best temper in the world – I have just been beaten in two games of chess – and I feel angry at myself for allowing such a trivial affair to vex me as much as it does. And I have come to you to be comforted & petted into a better humor – I hope dearest it will even be so – and that I will never come to vent my illfeeling upon you. Such an act always appears so cowardly to me – that I do not think I could even do it – not that I am a very brave man – but it is so small + mean + I do not think I am either small or mean in my ways. What are you doing to night? Do you remember this night a year ago? I think I was in London – and if I am not mistaken – we had a dance at the Fergusson’s – perhaps tho’ I have gotten things mixed a little. I do not remember exactly and have not my note book at hand to refer to. I recollect Xmas day carving a lot of Turkeys at the hospital and then coming down and carving some more at your house + it seems to me that the Cameron’s had me to dinner then too Did they or did they not? Last Evening after I had given your letter to “Foy” (that is the name of the man going into Benton) I came back + the Mess Room, Conrad was there and after a little talk, he went away and took the Col. with him – we young chaps are left in the Room and began dancing jumping kicking + various other performances. Calculated to enliven our minds + improve our muscles. The carpet on our Mess Room floor is one warranted to stand any amount of ill or rough usage being as the latest authorities state at least one mile in thickness. After that we went to bed. To day I, after visiting the Hospital , had breakfast, + then endeavoured to get a team to bring Brooks up from Kanouse’s, but they were all engaged in the morning, and I did not want to bring him up in the afternoon, thought it too cold. I also got from Quartermaster’s Stores some heavy canvass to make mattresses of, but could not get the tailors to sew this bag together. This occupied me most of the morning. The remainder I spent endeavouring to solve some of the Chess problems Jack was so kind as to send to me. I succeeded in solving one or two – of one I had the greatest satisfaction of knowing it to be correct as I happened to have the answer at hand – the others are solutions but whether Correct or not I cannot say. Then came lunch and after lunch I had my hair cut, and the rest of the short afternoon I had some medicine. After dinner Ferland my Hospital Seagt. came over to my room and I read with him for a while, then came in + played a couple of games of Chess with Denny in both of which he beat me, he is now three games ahead of me, and then I came to you to comfort me. Oh, Liz, my own precious darling what would I not give to have you by my side, and feel your soft hand stroking me gently, or playfully slapping the wolf from my back. You can’t think how lonely I feel sometimes, so utterly helplessly alone, how I long for some one who once knew something of the things that used to interest me or of the people I was associated with. At times the feeling is so strong over me that I am in utter misery, but you even when so far away have still the supreme power of chasing away all such gloomy or wretched feelings. If I cannot write to you and feel you talking to me just at the moment, I can think of you, no one can prevent my doing that + no duty however arduous or in need of my closest attention can sever my thoughts from you or prevent them from wandering back to you. And do you want to know about y comrades + fellow officers? Who shall I begin with? Denny? He is now sleeping on the hard wooden bench. He is to begin with an Englishman + Son of an English Clergyman, Dean Denny (I believe) and according to his own story has spent a good deal of money there trying to farm, he is going on 23 and fine looking, with quite a handsome face + is quiet and gentlemanly in his deportment, and altogether is a very nice fellow, he might be called a little strange at times, but I suppose, he like others gets a fit of the blues at times. He is very generous to me and as far as I can learn to all others, the Officers, at least some of them teaze him a good deal about his American experience and he is given to drawing the long bow at times. But he is very consistent and sticks well to a story, not matter how improbable it might appear – Good night now my dear it is 12 o’clock and I must go.

Dec. 28th Monday.

Last night it grew steadily colder until the thermometer sank to 24º below zero. It was a pretty cold morning. The sun however rose bright & clear. I got up about half past eight and at nine went over to the Hospital. I had quite a number sick today – most of them trying to get off work on account of the cold. After I had polished them off a man came in with a toothache and wanted me to draw his tooth. I told him to come back in a half hour – as I wanted to get breakfast first. His tooth was not paining him then so he could wait with a pleasant anticipation.

Dear Liz, how glad you make me feel when you tell me that you have not been altogether unhappy with me. I am so thankful that my little girl is not too lonely all by herself – and if she thinks of me – she knows that. My darling – you speak of a womans definition of Loving. Do, Act, Love as your own true heart dictates and I will be satisfied – so thoroughly that no doubt or shadow of a doubt shall ever enter my mind. Mrs. Brownings map of Loving is extremely fine – but when did you begin to read her poetry? She is a fine writer and has some very deep glimpses into Human feeling. I am glad for Annie Taylors sake if your modified opinion of Mr. R. is the proper one. His Father was a fine man – and no one appears to know of anything tangible against Mr. R. Poor Liz – how any one can twist you round their finger and make a friend of you by saying a good word of me. I received your beautiful blue feather. I am glad you enjoyed your moonlight drive. I think the difference in time is about 3 or 4 hours. It takes 15º Longitude to the hour we are about 176º - and I do not know exactly the meridian of Toronto – but I think there is about 4 hours difference. But for the present I must say goodbye. I will be back again to talk with you in a few minutes. I pulled the man’s tooth for which he was deeply grateful and have now come back to you.

I am afraid that the report about the increase of salary is without foundation – at all events I have officially heard nothing about it and with regard to the disbandment of the Force – the appointments of new officers – hardly looks astho’ they were going to break it up again. So you don’t want me back again eh? Never mind I don’t believe you – and I will come back as soon as possible. Your beautiful pouch is very acceptable to me. Poor Liz. I am afraid that you are very lonely sometimes in spite of the cheery tone of your letters. I know I am. Your poor rose bud which you picked on Sunday Nov. 1 & were so careful in pressing was all broken up by the transit. I will keep the leaves however because your dear hands picked it. Dr. Gunn got hold of a very nice & extremely pretty little English girl in Janie Jones. She will prove very useful to him – she is handy & quiet. I always pictured our future home with a servant like Janie – noiseless & effective. Poor old woman to go busying your little head with such grand plans for me. Dr. Jukes would I am afraid not like to take your word for my efficiency and no one can tell whether we would get along together. I must confess that the plan would be very pleasant. But you must not look so high for me. remember Dr. York’s cottage or hovel – in Orangeville. That is the sort of place to be in. You remember too what you said when I showed you the house. In regard to my promotions all I have to say is with You & Saida – “only hope it is so” Poor Saida and her grand secret – what an insane idea. Out here in the Far West we are not so careful of our hair as Miss Taylor was. I laughed a good deal over her sitting up so stiffly on her chair. I am sorry that you were disappointed in the rejection of Dr. Jukes – especially as it knocks all our 'Chateau En Espange’ endways. Thank you very kindly for the relations you have discovered for me I do not know however that I particularly care for a lot of new relatives. Perhaps however they may come in useful some of these days and we will then lay claim to them – as to their wills if they ever make any. I would not count much upon them. The messenger who was to have started to Benton today has put off his departure until tomorrow – so I will have time to finish this letter to you. I have not been able to get a sketch of the square for you yet – but will send some Indians that I have managed to get hold on in various places and have stuck them into one piece of paper. On the back of the paper was a scene of our tent life. Jackson’s bed had a coat spread over part of it and my bed can just be seen in the corner behind the stove – which the foot of it is occupied by my leather satchel which can be partly seen at the end of the stove. I expect the lead will be pretty well rubbed by the time you got them. And now I must say goodbye for a little while I must go get some lunch. After lunch I had to make up a liniment for a man at Fort Kipp 14 miles from here – he has a sore leg. Then I had to go and see Brooks, it was a pretty cold tramp down there & my face was pretty white when I arrived at the house. Brooks is about the same. I am going to try and get him moved up into the Hospital tomorrow. I hope it will not be too cold for him. On New Year’s days we are going to have a lot of games races etc. Open to the world I should not be surprised but what we should have a very gay time. A foot ball match opens the proceedings & a squaw Race and an Indian Pony race are the chief points of interest in the afternoon. I am trying to write and there are three young fellows making fun of one another & laughing so I am very liable to make mistakes - & to get mixed. You must not expect to have a very very long letter this time – as so many interruptions have occurred that it has been almost impossible to keep my mind down to the subject – and now I must again say Good bye. Perhaps after dinner I will be able to add a few cross lines to this. Can you read these crossed letters? If you cannot, tell me and I will be careful in future not to cross them. I only do it because it saves the bulky appearance of the letter. So good bye. I have only time to end this off now & with love to all I am

Your own
Barrie

Sunday Dec. 27

This morning I began my usual day work by getting up at 8.30 going over to the Hospital at 9 – seeing the sick, there are very few – then breakfast and at Eleven o’clock we had Church parade. The second time since October 13th when we arrived here. Good night my darling.

Fort MacLeod N.W.T. December 26th 1874

My darling Liz

It seems such a time since I have written to you but it cannot be very long for your letter has not gone yet. It was the 24th Thursday that I finished it, and in a great hurry I was too. I do not recollect if I told you that I have moved again or not. You know that I was in the room with Capts. Winder & Jackson- we had lived together for some time. I did not like all their ways & at last it became almost unbearable and I told them plainly that I was tired of their fun. Winder is a very changeable man – one moment he is your best friend the next he turns around and abuses you like a pick pocket. I determined at last that I could live more comfortable with some one else. So on the morning of the 23rd I moved my goods & household goods - & [ ] up in Allen’s house – the ‘B’ Troop officers quarters. The large room 20 ft by 18 ft is divided into 3 rooms – Allen has one I the other & the third is a common siting room. We have a coal stove and altogether things are much more comfortable than they formerly were.

After lunch on the 24th I got Denny to come with me we went down through the bush towards Kanonsis, both with rifles. I saw four fine deer - & at last saw some more deer far off from the immediate bank of the river feeding on the hill side as it slopes down from the prairie to the river bottom – we made a wide detour climbed the steep hill & got on the prairie level & crept towards the deer – got above them & fearing to try & get nearer fired at a long range & missed them. There were six of them – we were very much disgusted and came home after calling at Kanonsis & finding Brooks much better. We got into camp just as the bugle sounded the ‘Dress’ for dinner – our dinner was very nice – the table laid with a sheet as a tablecloth – it is the only sheet in camp. After dinner I went to my room & with Feland my Hosp. Sergt. began to dissect some eyes of a deer. I finished them during the evening altho’ I was interrupted by various calls as secretary of the Mess Committee.

Christmas day of course was observed as a Holy day. In the morning Capt. Jackson fired off our big gun with shells at an old tree & struck a branch of it cutting it off completely. The Pow wow that was to have taken place the day before was put off on account of all the Indians not being able to get here. Instead we are to have it on Christmas. All the morning we are busy making moltors to be hung around the room. They were painted in vermillion on white cloth & looked very well. “The Nor’ West Mounted Police Pioneer of a glorious Future” “Law & Order is Peace and Prosperity” “Our absent Friends – God Bless ‘em” How my heart echoed back ‘God Bless them’ How I wonder then what you were doing and where you were. I knew wherever you were and whatever you were doing you would think of me. Did you not old woman. I know you did, but I want to hear you say you did. How I would like to see you & hear you speak fold you in my arms once again. Oh Liz when I come back we won’t separate again for so long will we? I don’t think I could be happy after seeing you again – to leave you for so long.

At Two o’clock the Indians came and we took them out on the prairie to show them the effect of our artillery at a long range – they were greatly impressed thereat - & after returning to the Mess Room we proceeded to feed them, Biscuit – rice & Molasses - & Coffee – they eat until they were pretty full then the Col. taking the chiefs aside talked to them. The squaws came and had a share in the good things going – some of them were quite handsome for squaws but all of them dirty. The young ‘Bucks’ were all dressed to kill – feathers & paint & furs gaudy blankets & beads. They all went away quietly about 5 o’clock. The men of the Troops had invited their respective officers to dinner at their quarters in the middle of the day & from what I can hear they had most sumptuous repasts. Our dinner was not to despised as the enclosed ‘Bill of Fare’ will show you. The last course finished we had a small jar of whiskey brought on the table – a present from Benton – and in whiskey we drank to our ‘absent friends’. No other toast was drunk & no speech was made for none was required. Then sitting round the table smoking we talked of Christmases gone by – of friends & home – about eleven o’clock we went over to ‘B’ Troop to a dance & concert given by the men. Some of the songs were excellent – the dancing quite enjoyable & the remained of the evening passed in revelry about 12 we went to ‘F’ Troop for supper & then had oysters, canned fruit, pies – rice pudding, plum pudding - & lots of it. The Interpreter then sent for the squaws and at 2 o’clock they came over and danced – we gave them some supper and 4 o’clock saw the end of the Christmas Day. I guarantee that such a Christmas had never been seen in the Nor’ West. Everyone is expected to have a gloomy sad time but the united efforts of men & officers managed to dispel the gloom – and if Christmas was not exactly merry it was at all events pleasant. The next day as you may well imagine I slept till 9 o’clock & had breakfast before I went to the Hospital. There were only one or two on the sick parade about 11 o’clock – an old Indian whom we have nicknamed [ ] the Morning Paper from his regular morning visits & retail of news – brought his squaws over to the Col. to get some dresses the Col. had promised them last night for dancing. We made them dance again gave them some thing to eat and some dress patterns and sent them away again. I went down to Kanonsis and found Brooks still doing well. I went down with Welch instead of Denny this time. After dinner – I had a couple of games of chess with Denny in both of which I was pretty badly beaten. The other officers had gone over to the Indian camp to have another dance or rather to see one you can only take part in a squaw dance if a squaw asks you otherwise you have to be merely a spectator. It is a most ludicrous sight – to see them. They stand in a circle all facing towards the centre & she who is leader & has the drum to tomtom starts a singing a droning kind of a groan & beats on this tomtom – the others keeping time in a series of short jumps keeping their feet together - & gradually the circle moves round. The leader gets more & more excited – beats his drum harder and quicker – his song gets more excited until he sings beats & jumps himself out of breath. Then they all take a rest.

Dec. 24th.

I have been so busy lately that I have not been able to talk with you for a long time. On Tuesday I went down again to Kanonsis and also came back. In the evening we had a Mess meeting for the purpose of organizing the officers mess. A committee was appointed consisting of Capts Winder & Crozier & myself. Winder was President and I am Secretary – we pledged ourselves to have dinner in the Mess Room tomorrow (i.e. the 25th) at 6 P.M. To do this it was necessary to work like slaves the next morning. Our Room had to be lined & cleaned – the stove had to be put up, the kitchen utensils, the table service & the rations from the various troops & many other little things. Then too in the morning I was engaged in moving all my goods and chattels from Winder’s to another troop officers quarters. Then in the afternoon I had to go down to Kanonsis & then dinner & immediately after dinner I had to go down again to Kanonsis & did not get back until 11 o’clock. And now this morning I hear that a mail is going to Benton and it closes at 12 and I have been so busy in the Hospital in the morning that it is eleven o’clock before I have a chance to sit down and finish my letter. So you must excuse all inaccuracies and illegible parts and if you can’t make out al I mean to say, you must imagine what I am trying to say. I am writing on the Mess table now – and a great deal of talk and laughter is going on around me. I received a letter from Mother dated the 22nd Nov. from Savannah. I have been much more fortunate than the other members of the force in regards to letters. To day there is going to be a great Pow-wow. All the Indian chiefs from far and near have been invited to come and yesterday & this morning – the place has been alive with Indians in gay & festive attire – all painted and stained & dressed in brilliant blankets and feathers & porcupine quills & skins. They are to have a big feed & the power of our guns & mortars are to be demonstrated to them. Time is up and I must close. Give my love to all, and remember me most kindly to the Cameron’s. Tell Jack I will write to him as soon as possible.

Your own
Barrie

Dec. 22nd.

The last few lines of the last crossed page were written this morning. I got up in the usual time & had a cup of tea went over to the Hospital polished off the sick & came back to have another cup of tea & a smoke, and to talk with Lizzie. I have your letter just at hand and am reading it over and – how would you like a sharp criticism upon it? But don’t get alarmed, I am too glad to get your dear letters. My criticisms will be reserved for yourself, - when I gather from the tenor of your letter that you are overlooking yourself or not taking sufficient care of yourself. On your way to St. Catherines you must have formed a pleasant party. I know Mr. William Mulock very well. I boarded with him at Mrs. Whitney’s for some time, & altho’ he is a University man and an avant Grit & a lawyer – I like him. It must have been quite a meeting at the Hamilton Junction. Mannie also told me of it in his letter. I am glad to hear that Harry Carling is better. My darling tell me truly now are you not well? I do not like to hear of your needing a tonic but if you do of course it is better that you should take it. I hope the need has long ere this passed away.

Dec. 21st.

The shortest day in the year and terribly short too it appeared. As usual this morning I got up had breakfast & went to the Hospital & soon got through the list. There are two men in Hospital – one from a slight attack of Rheumatism the other with a bilious attack pretty near as bad as those that Jack is at times troubled with. He is nearly all right now. I heard that some medicines have arrived which I ordered some time ago and spent the entire morning looking up the truth of the report. It turned out that some medicines had arrived but they belong to the Veterinary and not to me. It was after three o’clock before I managed to get any dinner & the sun had gone down before I was ready to start for Kanonsis. I found Brooks better and quite willing to eat some tea & toast with a little butter that I brought down to him. I came up again but it was a cold walk the wind blowing so strong that on the river on the slippery ice – I had to sit down at times - & could only get across by taking advantage of the lulls in the wind. You may imagine from that that it was a very strong wind. I got into camp late for tea and am now writing to you. I did not feel hungry so did not take any trouble to get any tea. I intend going over to the Hospital again this evening before very long to read a little medicine with my Hospital Sergeant. The I will be ready for bed. I hear that there will be two or three chances very soon to send in letters to Benton. I hope so, and now must go. So Good night for the present – perhaps I will have time to write a few more lines when I get back. I had to go over to Denney & tell him about some bear skins he wished me to see about. I got talking there until very late and chess being mentioned I brought over the chessmen and sat up with Denney until after 12 o’clock playing three games. I came out the best – he beating me one.