Jany. 18th

This morning is beautiful.+ bright and clear + cold the thermometer at 9 o’clock when I went over to the Hospital was 30º below zero. There were only a few sick men, Brooks continues pretty low and tho weak still holds his own. After the hospital I had breakfast + then came to my room + smoked my pipe + am writing to you. So you see that you are associated with my pipe almost my only comfort up here. Not my only comfort now, for I have your dear letters to read + read again + again. Lizzie you have no idea how immensely your letters soothe + comfort me. If mine are only a twentieth part as much as welcome and useful to you then I am satisfied. So you recollect my once telling you that a lady once asked me to correspond with her daughter, and how I consented + never filled my promise thinking what a bore it was? The idea of writing to a girl! But now I am writing not to a girl but a woman, + to a part of myself. I do not take that great care to put down just what I mean in the choicest words, + take pains with the writing + attend to all the little minor points that go to make a letter amusing or entertaining, but I put down in succession those thoughts or events which happen to be uppermost in my thoughts at the moment. I seem to be talking to myself, only more so.

Jany. 17th

After lunch I came to my room + had a smoke and tried to do a little painting but did not feel particularly in the humour for it + at 3 o’clock Welch came in + Crozier + we three started out for a walk, the thermometer was -5º when we started + -15 when we came back at the end of an hour. We walked + ran alternately. My moustache + hirsute appendage were one mass of frost + ice. I was quite warm + fortunately did not freeze anything. Last time I was out, that is yesterday I froze the tip of my nose, but only very slightly. When I came in, I filled my pipe, put on your smoking cap, and fell into thinking of you and the dear old times. My darling don’t for an instant think that I grudge to you one particle of the pleasant company in which you may at times be thrown. When I read your accounts of balls and parties, how you danced with this + that one, I only think, ‘How glad I am that Lizzie is enjoying herself’. If, in any of my past letters, I have ever given you cause to think that I am jealous, or if in any of my future ones I should do so, reject the seeming hurt + lay it down to regret on my part that I cannot be present to see you enjoying yourself, to see others appreciating my Lizzie. Jealousy implies distrust + I trust you so wholly and entirely that no shadow of distrust of you ever crosses my mind. In one of your letters you spoke of my hinting to you that I was a little jealous -but darling- but darling it was only an intense yearning to be near you myself not to keep others away. I do not know when we will get another mail in. stories were rife yesterday that one was down in Whoop Up, but they proved to be without foundation. Conrad has a train due here for a week past and there will probably be letters on that for us.

Jany. 16th.

The weather still continues to be very cold. The wind is now very changeable, so we live in daily hopes of a thaw. This morning began with the usual thing at the Hospital, only I have breakfast now before going to the Hospital. After lunch, Welch and I went up the river with our guns in order to get some venison + for the pleasure of having a good walk – we had the walk, but got no venison – we saw nothing but a couple of hares, + they after being pretty well astonished escaped unharmed. There was a report current that a mail had arrived in Fort Whoop Up. Our hopes were high, but doomed to disappointment. Only one letter came for Col. McLeod. After dinner I had one or two games of cribbage and then the men came in to practice the Sunday Service. We sang the ‘Venite’, ‘O Be Joyful’, ‘Te Deum’ + two or three hymns – ‘Nearer my God to thee’, ‘Thy will be done’ + ‘Our blest Redeemer ‘ere he died’. The singing was not so good as it will be when the men become more accustomed to the singing and to each others voices.

Jany. 15th

My last letter to you has come back to me. The man who was to have taken it has not yet started + so orders were given to have the mail returned. I do not know now when it will go out. To day has been cold but so bright and beautiful that one could scarce feel the cold + another thing, which is good news, the coal has come. So now we need no longer shiver over sputtering fires. An expedition started out to day after some whiskey traders. I do not know yet what success they have had. A larger Indian Camp moved down today into our neighbourhood. There have been quite a number of squaws and young bucks around the square one or two of the Chiefs were also down looking at the Fort. I feel as tho’ I were going to have a fit of the blues. I am trying to work them off by inflicting upon you a lot of writing which I feel to be most disconnected, but I cannot look it over. I don’t feel unwell nor exactly miserable, but I do so long to see you, so yearn for the sound of your voice, I am almost homesick. It is so utterly lonely out here, not a single person that I care two straws about, nor I suppose do they care about me. However ‘It is a long lane that has no turning’ and one of these days I will come back to you, and you will be glad to see me, and we will then spend many happy moments, days, years together, will not we?

Jany. 14th

A South West wind or Chenook [sic: Chinook] began to blow + it is now much warmer, the mercury at 11 this morning was 2º above zero. Last evening we had a number of the musical men of the force in our Mess Room + they practiced some hymns + chants, for our Sunday Service. After going over several hymns, they sang some profane songs, some of which were very good indeed. Then after they had gone, we enlisted one of the violinists + had a dance, which kept us for a time well amused then I went to bed about 11.

Jany. 13th

Still very cold, too cold to write, fire seems to have no effect unless you are close up to the blaze.

Jany. 12th

You bet it was cold last night. Mercury went down + into the bulb and stayed there, so it must have been below -40. It was bitterly cold. I could not sleep warm + as to keeping the Room warm it was quite impossible. So nearly all day, I was in the Mess Room.